For the longest time
by passion2write
Summary: A few months after Callie's adoption was finalized, she finally felt safe and secure. Yet this new found sense of safety caused past issues to resurface, meaning she had to finally deal with them.


Trigger warning for abuse and self-mutilation

I never expected that I would ever know what love was like again, I never expected that I would wake up and not be sore from the bruises. I never expected that I would ever feel supported again. Yet here I was, walking out of the courtroom after singing the adoption forms. I was officially an Adams Foster, just like Jude.

I felt a strong arm wrap itself around me, I turned to face the owner of said arm and smiled as I looked into Stef's green eyes. '' What would you like to eat, today is your day'' she said excited. I smiled slightly '' I'm fine with anything you guys pick''. I noticed Stef exchanging glances with Lena before turning back to face me. '' Love, we would like you to pick''. I shrugged my shoulders slightly '' I guess... uhm... I would like to go to that Chinese place on the corner near the park''. Stef smiled widely, a smile that could light up the entire room, a smile that could light up my day. '' Oh I'm so happy my baby''.

I watched as Stef held Lena's hand, their hands seemed to simply belong together. I then turned to watch Mariana whom was busy typing away on her phone, her long black hair swayed slightly as she walked. Jude and Jesus were deep in conversation about some videogame and Brandon was on the phone with his dad, telling him all about today. My adoption day. I watched the family, _correction_ my family walk towards the restaurant, and I felt an overwhelming sensation rising in my chest. I couldn't quite place the feeling, was it love? Was it fear? Was it both? Or neither? I was so lost in thought that I hadn't realized we had arrived at the Chinese place until Jude playfully pushed me. '' Hey big sister'' he smiled ''We have a forever family again''. I nodded slightly as I felt tears well up in my eyes, _a forever family_.

I had expected the night to be over once we arrived home but apparently there was way more. '' Take a seat over there on the couch Callie'' smiled Mariana excited as she pushed me towards the living room. I took the seat suspiciously before looking over towards Jude whom was wearing a big grin on his face.

After what felt like forever the entire family returned towards the living room and took a seat, all watching Callie with interest. '' You're making me quite nervous'' I chuckled, as I looked from Jesus, towards Lena and then towards Brandon. '' Oh sorry, bug'' smiled Stef as she moved a little closer towards me. '' We wanted you to remember this day as much as possible, so we got you a little gift''. I felt tear well up in my eyes as I looked from Stef to Lena and back again. '' But you've given me the greatest gift of all, you adopted me'' I mutter. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Lena wipe away a tear. Stef placed a little purple box in my hand and smiled slightly. I opened the box and gasped as I saw what lay inside.

A little silver plated bracelet lay in the box, engraved with: _Callie Adams Foster._ I carefully took the bracelet out of the box and touched it gently, I watched silently as Stef placed it around my wrist. Once it was fastened, Stef placed her arms around me as I let silent sobs overcome me. I wasn't sad, not even close. I was not used to feeling emotions that were not negative, which meant this was overwhelming. I was not alone anymore, I had a family.

 _ **6 months later...**_

I woke up sweating again, my mind still processing the nightmare. It had been the same one for weeks, where I was brought home after her adoption day, but they decided I wasn't worth it after all and they kicked me out.

I pushed my body up and reached for the glass of water on my nightstand, I took small sips of the water as I stared towards the foot of my bed. I tried to repeat in my head everything that was positive about me, yet my mind turned blank. And I felt the strong urge to act out, the only way I could. I rubbed my aching wrist nervously but decided against it. I pushed myself under the covers again and let soft sobs wreck my body. I hadn't realized I had fallen back asleep until I was woken by a worried looking Stef whose blonde hair was tied up in a high blonde ponytail. '' Callie?''. I opened my eyes and looked around the dimly lit room, my hair was sticking against my head from the sweat. '' What was your dream about love'' muttered Stef as she helped me up and padded the wet towel over my forehead that Lena had hastily brought in.

Yet I was not able to speak, my entire body shook as I leaned into the comfort of Stef's arms. '' I can't any more, please'' I managed to mutter, as strong hands brushed through my thick brown hair. Stef looked towards Lena worried before turning back to face her young daughter. '' What can't you do?''. I felt like I had said too much, I shook my head lightly '' Nothing, I'm just tired''. Stef nodded unconvinced but placed the blanket over her young daughter. '' It's my day off tomorrow, I feel like you are going to be exhausted in the morning so how about we keep you home''. I smiled slightly before closing my eyes again.

The next time I woke up I was still snuggled tightly in Stef's arms '' Hey there sweets'' smiled Stef once she noticed I had opened my eyes. '' Did you stay with me all night?'' I suddenly asked, as my cheeks turned a bright red colour. ''Don't worry love, I had breakfast with Mama and the rest before snuggling back into bed with you'' smiled Stef as she brushed a stray of hair out of my face.

'' How about we head downstairs, I can make some pancakes and we can eat them while we watch a movie of your choice on the couch?'' suggested Stef, I nodded my head slightly before pushing my body up. I quietly followed Stef down the stairs and took a seat at the kitchen table as I watched her bake pancakes.

'' I think, what you've been dreading since last night is here love. We need to have a little talk'' said Stef as she placed a pancake on my plate. I sighed softly before letting my eyes wander towards my lap. ''Mama and I had a talk this morning after breakfast. We're worried about you''. I stayed silent, I hoped it would resolve everything, if I just stayed silent. '' Love, I want you to talk to me, but I understand if you are not ready to talk to me or mama. But we want you to see a psychologist''.

I looked up surprised, my eyebrow arched. '' Why? I'm fine?''. Stef scoffed slightly '' Please Callie, you can try and fool mama but no need to try that with me. I can see right through you love'' whispered Stef as she pushed a pluck of hair behind her ear. '' It pains me to think about all that you have suffered my love, I wish I could take all of that away. But I can't, but now that you have found a forever home I think you are ready to process everything that has happened''.

'' You don't know when I'm ready, you don't know anything. Fuck this'' I suddenly shouted, I pushed the plate away before rushing towards the stairs. The loud stomping of my feet echoed through the house.

I sank down on the bed and felt the sobs burning in my throat. Years of sorrow, pain and regret coming up. I knew logically speaking I needed help, I knew my mental health was barely passable. But joking about your mental health is much easier than actually facing up to what is going on. I wiped away a few tears angrily as I played with the bracelet around my wrist. I was exhausted, absolutely exhausted.


End file.
